Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.