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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.