Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.