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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.