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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.