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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
Relationship Status: eating
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.