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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".