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A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.