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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.