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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.