Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!