Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.