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I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Attention fuels immaturity
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.