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I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?