Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.