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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Go ahead caller 9!!
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
They should make Vodka ChapStick