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I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook