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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.