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Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.