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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.