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If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
Iām going to start telling girls that Iām available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.