Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.