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Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)