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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.