Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.