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Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted