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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
I`m perfect you adjust.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?