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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
The only dates I get are updates.
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.