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I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.