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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...