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During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
It´s never to late to be happy
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers