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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol