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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.