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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.