Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors