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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
Never trust a skinny chef
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
I fake my lol`s