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Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
That`s not how I met your mother.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.