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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.