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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...