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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"