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Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.