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feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?