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“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.