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"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Line forms here for spankings