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I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.