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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...