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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.