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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.