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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.