Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.