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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.