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Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.