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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"