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Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.