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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
I drink coffee for your protection.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.