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You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!