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If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Starting to believe I`m trouble
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.