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Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.