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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.