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Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.