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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Been there, done that. allegedly
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"