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I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
:): The Bipolar smiley face
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.