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Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.