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Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?