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Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
They should make Vodka ChapStick
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.