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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Being normal is boring.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2