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The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.
What Iām really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.
Smelling another person should be a choice.