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On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
facebooked yo mama!!!
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.